What's · A · Boy · To · Do

I know there are 3 maybe 4 of you who actually have this journal of mine friended, and to that handful of you who do, I apologize for so massively spamming you with poetry today. It was a now or never type deal, but still, many, many apologies guys. My bad.

With the Utmost Contrition,

Red

Stones and pebbles and so much sand
Telling stories, adding beauty
To my travel, to this path
Blades of green that dare to dream
Noble dreams of growing here
These bumps these fragments
They litter and better up my way

5/29/05

All the way from here to there
Slowly inching out your progress
Testing the wind and feeling for direction
Don't let the gaps get in your way
Nor the tallest of obstacles freeze you in place
So small you feel, so long are the days
But cherish these, get swept away
For each a gift all it's own
Never to be repeated, never to return

5/29/05

I wrote this while watching a caterpillar make his way across a picnic table at my sister's house.

Blue sky with clouds of possibility
Maybes filling our horizon
Portents of potential
Blue with white kissed by sun

5/29/05

These are the seeds we planted
Brotherhood and friendship
Trust and understanding
But weeds still make there presence known
Selfishness chokes us
Robs us of sunlight
In my despair our garden withers
You close your eyes, cover your ears
I pull the roots, I salt the ground
Let it be done

5/29/05

In my mind
You wear chains
All those things that tie you down
Everything you love that holds you prisoner
In my experience
You can be cruel
Binding your heart til it can't move
Holding your mirror an inch away
In this time
I have discovered
Unusual kindness can be edged with cold moments
And everything we know can come undone

5/29/05

But Really
Seriously
Has anyone ever truly died
From a broken heart
It's cliche
It's old habit
Simply put
It's hard to break
And though my habits go unbroken
My insides take a beating
I'd say I've never felt this bad
But I bet I've felt this bad
A million times before
It's ill predicaments
Poor judgment
A lack of sense
That steers me here
I move in circles
I trade in sadness
I make these choices
But the truth is, I don't know why

7/3/05

It's one of those years
There was no celebration to start it
Followed by a bad birthday trip
The days that came after
Ran like vinegar down my throat
Fast and bitter they've passed
The Fourth Of July
Has been a dud firecracker
Ill fitting of freedom
Six more months
Six more months to go

7/4/05

Believe me
Dream of me
Be me
Give into and give up

Pray aloud
Sing aloud
Live out loud
Give good reason and good bye

6/11/05

I don't know if you like this
Like me
Like anything at all
In the squareness of this moment
In the nearness of now

I'm aware this is special
I'm aware this is stalled
This truth we've conceded
It's sweetness tasted
Our hearts awed

6/11/05

Blistered
Listed
Critical
And cynical
Cyclical
And circular
Certain
Closed curtain
Center stage
Nice cage
Captive
Active
Tracking
Slacking
Sliding in
Giving in
Getting up
We go

6/11/05

Say it more with less feeling
Say it less with more feeling
Do more
If that more is from the heart

6/11/05

I don't care
That you don't care
And we won't care
Together
I won't cry
Because you don't cry
And we'll not cry
Together
It's not important
Was important
Not as important
As I thought

7/4/05

I get angry
Your words like an endless barrage
Of Japanese Kamikaze fighters
Taking out my thoughts
Destroying what I had to say
You hit me again and again
With your "look at me"s
And I hear myself repeat inside my head
Never mind
Never mind
...never
Mind

6/9/05

You punch me
And you kick me
You beat me
And it's nothing
Nothing from here

I was wishing
Wishing for something
Something more than this nothing
Nothing's all that we feel
If we feel

It's graceful
This swan dive
Right into
Tomorrow
Hope it's better there

Our voices
They echo
But our actions
Are empty
Pray that this sticks

You touch me
And You hold me
You smile
And you scold me
There's promise here yet

5/21/05

You're mere inches away
But we're miles apart
It's unbearably warm
But you're cold as can be
You soak up my time
My precious time
I dance like a fool
I give it my all, I sacrifice me

5/20/05

You, deaf and shouting
Aluminum can sharp barbed wire words
Crazy red letter vitriol paused in the air
Obscene in your anger
Now heaving, choking, barely breathing
Screaming you never get what you deserve

But thank God you never get "what you deserve"
In the face of grace you collapse
You weep
Now heaving, choking, barely breathing
Your heart heavy with sacrifice
You, lost but listening
You who is me
Welcome home

5/28/05

I'm waiting and wanting
Stuck here and longing
My world's just out of reach
Of your touch

...

Trouble is that trouble is
What's mine is yours but I want his
Smiling through these tears
I'm a trooper won't you agree

...

I'm waiting and wanting
I wonder if you're longing
Your world's just out of reach
Of my touch

5/20/05

Here there be things not worth finishing because they're utter claptrap, or occasionally because whatever muse inspired them abandoned me half way through. However, there are a couple scraps tossed in the mix that I actually like. :)

( Fragments, Threads, & Scattered Bits of Unfinished Poetry )

Waiting on a letter that never will come
Looking for an apology where clearly there's none
Giving you an 8th and 9th and 10th chance, giving you the benefit of the doubt
Tell myself it's my fault when it doesn't work out
Maybe I don't love you, maybe I hate who I am
Time to chuck what can't be fixed and repair what can

4/30/07